Spring Break Plans

Dear Frank: With spring break coming up, I'm worried that my humans are going leave me all alone in the house while they go on vacation. What should I do?
Sincerely, Housebound Hound in Indiana

Dear Housebound: It's never fun when your humans leave. But if they do, I have taken the liberty of planning your week:

Monday - Drink from all the toilets in the house (twice).
Tuesday - Binge squirrel watching
Wednesday - Trash dumping
Thursday - Online bone shopping
Friday - Call that poodle down the street. (I mean, you do have the house to yourself).

You're welcome.