My Breath Smells Like My Butt

Dear Frank: I've read all your advice about fart-free snuggling and I've gotten much better! My humans have been smiling! But recently my breath has been really stinky and my humans have started pushing me away when I try to snuggle. What should I do?
Sincerely, Mouth Breather in Indiana

Dear Mouth: Butt breath happens. Don’t worry, there is a solution. Do these things in this order to turn your butt breath back into mouth breath.

  1. Snuggle butt first (Just until your breath smells better than your butt)
  2. Eat grass (Grass fixes everything)
  3. Have a friend lick your mouth (Things could get weird)
  4. Eat an apple (It’s like giving your mouth a bath…an apple bath)
  5. Eat more grass (See number 2)

Repeat as necessary. Then turn that snuggle back around.