Breath Legend

Dear Frank: My cousin was visiting and I noticed that his breath is the stuff that legends are made of! He said it's cat turds with just a hint of butt. I've got the butt part covered, but we don't have a cat. Do you know if squirrel turds are an adequate substitution to create such an epic aroma?
Sincerely, Baxter in Indiana

Dear Baxter: Yes, squirrel turds will produce a similar effect.